The gift of surrender

One of the greatest lessons I began to learn in my 1000 day practice of Sat Kriya was understanding the word surrender. Through Sat Kriya, I learned that I could soften my muscles and focus my energy upwards rather than fighting/struggling to hold my arms up. As I learned to soften my body, my hands and feet stopped falling asleep, my shoulders relaxed and the practice began to feel calming, therapeutic and at times, even effortless. As I learned to surrender to time, I stopped watching my timer and allowed myself to be present with the sensations in my body, my thoughts, feelings, reflections and observations. And as I quickly realized the benefits of my practice, I surrendered to the unknowing of what could happen in 1000 days time, and took my practice day by day. 
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Where I struggled most was in relaxation. I resisted relaxing. Is that an oxymoron, or what? 
But it’s true, I resisted relaxing. 

I resisted relaxing. 

I needed to write it again because as I typed those words, it startled me. I have experienced resistance in areas of my life where I wished to have flow and ease: in rest, in exercise, in relationships, in conversation, in my work and routine. I have resisted change even though the change benefitted me and ultimately made my life more enjoyable. I have resisted pain and discomfort even though resistance only prolonged those feelings which were alleviated once I surrendered. 

I resisted writing this blog. Sharing this makes me feel exposed and vulnerable.

But, in the last 24 hours the word surrender has been on my mind, in my heart  and in conversations I have had. I have witnessed great resistance happening around me. I feel it myself when I think about how long we will remain physically separated and when I’m included in conversations questioning if and when we will return to normal. 

I don’t know. 

But, when I’m quiet with myself and when I bow low and surrender to my heart, I feel a peace and understanding that we truly get to experience this unique time for a reason. Perhaps there are universal and societal reasons, certainly there are personal ones. Allowing myself to surrender means that I can allow myself to experience my soul’s purpose and longing, that I can be vulnerable, that I can experience grace, that I can be of service and that I can listen deeply and hear what is being said.