My voice

As I grew up I learned to hate my voice.

Reading what I just wrote is painful, but it's true. I received messages as a child, but particularly as a teen that my voice was loud and whiny. In some ways, I could embrace loud, but whiny was a tough one. To make this more challenging, we didn't talk much in our family so talking and sharing, especially feelings, was something I had little practice in. I can remember my throat closing and feeling a lump in my throat anytime I tried to talk about myself or share feelings. 

These are challenges my adult self has embraced. Chanting mantra has been a savior in helping me to embrace my voice and to let it ring out clear and true and from my heart. Chanting creates a safe space through which I can express my feelings and my truth. I love to chant and tend to chant loudly especially with others, though I'm sure my neighbors hear it through the walls! Recently, I began singing to my class during deep relaxation. Normally, I would play gentle music or the gong or crystal singing bowls, but now that we are teaching classes virtually this is not an option. I felt quite inspired when another teacher sang during her class, it was very soothing and peaceful. A couple of weeks ago, I planned and practiced a mantra to sing and when it came time to do it I thought for a moment - DON'T DO IT!!! But, I took a deep breath and knew if I didn't try it then I may never try and I sang from my heart. And the class felt that. 

I felt proud of my courage in taking this action. 

I still have challenges around speaking and sharing what is in my heart and mind, what I'm feeling. I take this courage with me into my interactions with those I love as I challenge myself to let the words flow from my hear. And see where this leads.